i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
