I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
