I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
