Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
that may or may not have been my penis.
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