I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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