How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
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