so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Floor bacon is actually really good
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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