Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
