i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
