my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just invented taco cereal.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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