oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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