the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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