You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
