I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
