oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
