Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
