I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
