my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
