Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
