he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
