a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
