so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
