chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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