I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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