MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
