the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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