Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
it was like having sex with a tree stump
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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