Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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