It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
