Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
