I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just found puke in my bra..
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
