the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
