He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
