We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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