When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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