Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
