CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I need a beard to bite.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
