I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
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