Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
