we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
