I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Randomize
