Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
