Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Randomize
