At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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