Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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