I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
