The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
The ass gains better be worth it
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