I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
