I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
