BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
