And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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