I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
