I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
