Welp...herpes.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
