TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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